I received a worrisome text from The Boy (yup) that read, “We will have a conversation about hygiene. Maybe later. Hygiene is very important. Esp in a relationship.”
Now, my self-centered delusional mind immediately goes to “Ohshit. Ohshit. Ohshit. What did i do? Do i smell? Come on, Mari. You always smell. Is it because I only shower every other day? I just hate doing my hair all the time… plus its not good for you. Is he disgusted by my apartment? Is it because my carpeted apartment always smells like gouda cheese? Fuck fuck fuck…. what did i do wrong? I MUST NOW CLEAN EVERYTHING IN THE APARTMENT TILL MY HANDS BLEED BLEACH I’m going to kill myself in a bubble bath of lavender and be the sweetest smelling corpse ever. Kill me.”
After a lot of worrisome texting back and forth finally the truth comes out. In this relationship, we clean our butts.
Clean out butts? I ask. Confused and mind racing.
Then I watched this video and I laugh a slightly hysterical, crazy relieved laugh because, by god, its completely true.
Leave it to an old back man and a gentleman to show me the path of a clean butt.
In conclusion, I, Mari de Monte learned three things:
- If you love them. Clean your butt.
- If you want to make it work, conversations like this are important.
- Stop making it always about you, you stupid twat.
Here ends the lesson of surviving the road to adulthood.
for your health.
